Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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