yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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