just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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