I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
