he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
