im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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