I accidentally had phone sex last night
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
