I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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