im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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