you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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