Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
