my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
wow bdsm is so cute
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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