I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize