I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
