i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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