Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
