Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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