HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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