Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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