I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
