I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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