is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
