I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
