Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
