a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
