That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
