T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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