My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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