duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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