This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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