i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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