Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
