he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
