If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
