Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
