We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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