Where is the hickey?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
