Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
