So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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