Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
