I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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