I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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