did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
