A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
