Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
