im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
