I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
