I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
