Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
