Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am one with the molecules
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
