he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dear god my vagina.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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