Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The beer is more important than you right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All the doctor said was why
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
