Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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