She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
