Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
