Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
