I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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