I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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