I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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