She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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