if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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