i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
