Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
