He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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