I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
