Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
