I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
