I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
