Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
