ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
