You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
