Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
