She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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